


Why

by cas_loves_dean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Oneshot, References to Metatron, Why Did I Write This?, s9 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 15:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1716050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cas_loves_dean/pseuds/cas_loves_dean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Castiel sees when he looks at Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why

                Sometimes when Cas looks at Dean he sees the stars. He sees brilliant bursts of light, eons and eons from reach.

                Sometimes he sees Mountains, tall, jagged spikes of land sharp and eager to injure. The air is thin at their peaks, tightening his lungs and blurring his vision.

                Sometimes he sees oceans, with their dark depths filled with so much life, yet so wrought with death and despair. Roiling underneath the crystalline waves lies a strife invisible to those looking from above.

                Sometimes he sees roses, with beautiful, crisp petals bedewed and sparkling in the sun. Thorny roots and beautiful blossoms; vibrant and bright despite prickly beginnings.

                Most of the time, he sees a man. He sees a human stitched together by fragile sutures. The many threads weave together from spools across the globe, each made from different materials, such as disappointment, pain, loss, happiness, jealousy, pleasure. Sometimes Dean unravels. He unravels in the safety of Castiel’s knowledgeable hands, kind and weathered and ready to repair what is broken.

                When Dean finally unravels for good, Castiel isn’t there to fix him. He burns all the stitches holding him together, until there isn’t anything left for Cas to sew back together.

                “Well he’s dead too.”

                Castiel thinks of hurricanes this time.

                He thinks of a natural force with no mindful intentions, whipping its anger at the land and taking down humanity’s most beloved with it. Eventually, all storms must die. They self-destruct.

                He thinks of the rain as his vessel’s tears leak out of his eyes for the first time.

                Days later, when he crash lands in some field in the middle of Norway, he thinks of stars, mountains, oceans, roses, thread and thunder. He thinks of the one human he put above the rest, the one being in the whole of the universe that he adored the most, the man who stole his safety and his heart.

                As his grace starts to burn through every molecule in his vessel, he thinks of Dean Winchester, the righteous man he saved from hell. When the essence of his being starts to crumple in on itself, when he realizes he won’t ever understand why pie is God’s gift to mankind, he asks why he gave heaven up for one human.

                He knows the answer.

                As his grace explodes in one beautiful, tragic explosion, he knows why.

                He loves Dean Winchester.

                The whole of heaven hears his scream.

                “Dean, I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This seriously had me sobbing...
> 
> WHY DID I EVEN WRITE THIS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
> 
> Thanks for reading anyways, lovelies! 
> 
> -SJ xx


End file.
